i wonder sometimes

So, I wonder sometimes how we allow the little things to distract us from the big picture.... I know that I do...all the time.  It is hard to stay focused when everything around me is crazy and off beat to what I am used to.  the goal is and would be to be myself through it all, but i must confess that i allow those little things to throw me for a loop.  is life really as complicated as we make it out to be, or do we just cause all the choas ourselves???  I definently wonder sometimes.  i desire to come to a place where I can just be me, and all that is going on around me can only make me stronger, more of who I am supposed to be.  I don't want to fight it....I see so many people struggling to keep it all together, for what???  sometimes it is good to just have a melt down, and shut off.  If we didn't then we would be bottled up messes.  i am so thankful to have my family who always keeps it real, even in the midst of craziness, they remind me to just go with it, we all loose it, we all get frustrated, but we have to learn to love through it.  At the end of the day is really is all about the love.  love you all.

image vs. reality

I got together with some friends that I haven't talked to in awhile, we got caught up and got to talking and my one friend apologized for being so heavy....I stopped her and thanked her for being so real.  It is so refreshing to have real conversation. I can't tell you how awesome it is to hear other people's hearts, and experiences with life.  Not only is it a reminder of how much I despise fakeness and idle chatter but, it is such a faith builder.  Nothing like a personal encounter with truth to get your blood pumping and your heart feeling.  I know a lot of times people are polite by just saying the "good" stuff, but lets be honest with ourselves...does everyone really have a picture perfect life, marriage, relationships...NO!!  I walked away from our coffee night feeling refreshed, encouraged and challenged. I know that if God can part seas, heal sick, and raise the dead, than He is perfectly capable of restoring friendships, marriages, and family ties. If I didn't believe that then why bother believing in it at all.  I was totally reminded that we as individuals cannot live in peace or freedom until we accept that He can gives that very thing.  It seems so simple yet all around me are broken families, long lost friends, marriages on the outs, and mom pretending that they've got it all together.  Who are we kidding??  Why is it so hard to accept that we can't do it all?  My heart goes out to those who think they can handle it themselves... I used to think that I could handle it all by myself until just about everything blew up in my face, literally...Now, I am just trying to make it work, trying to live by His understanding not my own, trying to be real.  I am so human its not funny, i mess up, say the wrong thing, react unlovingingly, yep all of it, i am aware and I am trying to figure out how Jesus did it all without pulling a nutty. I won't give up... and on that note, once again I am challenged to be less of what I think I should be and more of what He wants me to become.  I know that life will throw a lot more crazy turns my way, but I have to believe that someone is rooting for me; otherwise what is the point.  to all my girls (you know who you are) thanks for always keeping it real... even when it is heavy.  love you mean it.  I hope that God gives everyone someone in their life that is always real and honest about life... it is such a blessing and it truly makes life so much better, ya know.  Even though the image of what we want people to see is better and more pleasing, and much easier to maintain...how about just letting that go and really, really being true to who we are, and what we are.  Something to think about????

hello

Well, if you are reading this you already know who I am, so no introductions necessary... I used to journal all the time, however, the last few years,and two kids later, I don't get around to it much... i miss jotting down my thougts, and feeling closure to a days worth of thoughts. I don't get to share with most of you where my heart is at these days, so I figured this would be a nice way to do that yaknow....It's almost 1 am and Estella finally fell asleep, Ishould be getting in bed, but it is finally me time, how can i resist.... Being a mom is my world these days, yet I can't help but feel like I get lost in all of it.  There is so much more to me, and I don't want to forget that part of who I am.  Rich, i love him so and he really deals with the brunt of my crazy days, thank God for him and the love that he has for me, I am not sure if I would be where I am at without him.  Lately the most of my thinking leans toward Liam and Estella, and how I can give them a just world to live in... yet I know that I can't change the status of the world, so hopefully I can teach them to see god's beauty amist all the junk.  My heart longs for change yet I know even with the up and coming election the changes won't be enough.... it is so crazy how becomming a parent changes your thinking.  I don't think we ever realized the intesity of bringing life into this world would be.  So that is that.  This world we live in is nuts, and I just want to make it better.  My heart yearns for change, for freedom of religion, and freedom of all that the world makes to be sooo important.  I don't care what anyone thinks.... and I will try my best to make sense of what I've got.  I can't wait to share more of the craziness that goes on in my head.  love you all. be blessed. L